How exactly do we define "confidence?" The dictionary implies that Confidence is:
"belief in oneself, certainty (which means positive assurance), conviction, belief and credence." This contains only a small portion of what confidence is. Yet, these definitions give us plenty of words to describe how we should view ourselves if we are to tackle this thing called life in an appropriate way.
Why does one need confidence to live a life of success? Without "self confidence" we struggle to be who we are meant to be. If we are affected emotionally and lack confidence; we cannot focus on strong decisions, how to resolve problems, being effective in our presentations or believe in our convictions. If we self doubt; we are inclined to think that someone else can do it better than we can and this weakens our ability to perform successfully.
How do we resolve this lack of self confidence and become confident?
Rule number one: We must first remember that we are all unique. We do not have to be like anyone else to be confident and successful. Forget about being like someone else; it doesn't matter how good someone else is, it is about how good and self confident you want to be. Learning from others is key. The good, the bad and the ugly; knowing your desire is of course, to become what is considered as excellent. You might never be as "excellent as someone else," but you are not striving to be; you are striving to be the best you, and you alone, can be.
Rule number two: Never expect it to come all at once. It is oftentimes a learned behavior and it sometimes depends upon the circumstances of our life. If we are praised as children, when we reach adulthood, we will automatically be more confident. If we live in an atmosphere of peacefulness; we are likely to be more peaceful in adulthood. On the contrary; if we have not been given praise in our childhood, or live in a constant upset during our growing years, we have tendency to need more self discipline in growing our confidence to the level of being emotionally intelligent. Some humans have to grow up before they are ready, and experience hardships, difficulties, and pain early in life. Depending upon what these things are it can affect how one feels about their level of performance, and their quality of life. Loss in ones life can create a lack of belief in oneself, or a lack of confidence with fear that they are going to lose other things or everything. Of course this is not true. We must learn from loss and remember that all things in life are for our teaching, has a purpose and whether we understand it or not; it is for a reason, good or bad.
Rule number three: Be prepared to admit your weaknesses, yet believe that you and you alone can make your weaknesses, your strengths; if you choose. Dwell on the strengths but work on the weaknesses; we all have them even though sometimes they are not easy to see with the eye. We each know what our weaknesses are so we may as well fess up and deal with them. Someone who is actually confident will normally learn from criticism. They take the criticism and put a corrective plan into action without allowing resentment toward the critic. Our path to self confidence begins in our mind just like our goals, our hopes, and our dreams; nothing separates these because we must act on all of these mind things to make them a reality. Just saying I want or need to be more confident, does not bring it to fruition.
Rule number four: Dreaming about it does not bring it to pass. Reading about it will not make you do what is necessary to shine as individuals without an in-depth commitment to do what is necessary to live a life of confidence. This does not mean trying to outdo someone else. This is because someone with high emotional intelligence has confidence and they believe in themselves yet respects the wisdom and strengths of others. In the workforce today; employers are seeking those with emotional intelligence and confidence is one of the number one ingredients of being emotionally intelligent. In so many words; you do not have to try to outshine anyone else; you make your own course of action with a stable self assurance that you are where you are meant to be.
Rule number five: If one is seeking improvement in a career; they must educate themselves to become a leader, if leadership is what they are seeking. We gain nothing by being satisfied with old knowledge or old education; even though it was essential to get the job. Part of progress is being able to submit to change. Being up-to-date on what is changing in any work environment is absolutely necessary and then the road is paved for more self confidence. Leadership abilities come with responsibilities. One must be responsible for their own actions or no actions, their ability or inability to deal with failure, loss or defiance of others. It is not for someone who cannot be a team player, promote others, welcome new ideas from everyone and take the blunt for all mistakes. Confidence in oneself brings the ability to motivate, challenge, praise, contribute, and accept that someone other than self just might have a more efficient solution to a problem that can get the job done more adequately then yours.
"Make the most of yourself; for that is all there is of you." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Let me never make the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted when I am contradicted." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Confidence come from not always being right; but from not fearing to be wrong."
Peter T. McIntyre
The best yet: "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You are on your own and you know what you are. And, you will decide where you go." Dr. Seuss
It's me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence. Paula Cole, "Me," This Fire
Not any of us know all there is to know about everything in life. This is just not practical. Yet we are confident that we can know a lot about many different things, and be intelligent, but still not all knowing. We must choose a specialty, something we have a passion for and something specific to our knowledge. It would be no fun, no satisfaction or bliss to having all of this to ourselves alone; we should have a purpose that will enhance other people's lives as well as our own. Living for ourselves only is not gratification in living life well; we must have the confidence within to share what we do know with others.
